Testimony Page

Cameron at an orphanage in Old Mexico Dec. 2004

Rusty and I have been married since 1980. In 1982 we were blessed with our first son, Cameron. Then 22 months later we were blessed with our second son Nathan. We raised our sons in church, teaching them that loving God is the most important thing in life. That before all else their relationship with the Lord needed to be a good one. Our son Cameron was 22 & Nathan, 20 years old when Cameron went to dance with the angels.

I can say that the darkest day of our lives was the day our oldest son Cameron, went home to live with the Lord. This was on March 3, 2005. You can check out his page on our web site. He was killed by an elderly lady who hit him head on. Cameron was on his way with a friend to get her passport for a mission trip to Nicaragua. Cameron was not speeding. He had done everything right including wearing his seat belt. He was our cautious son. Always drove the speed limit, gripped if someone else didn’t drive careful.

He cared when those with less in life were made fun of by others. He would defend people with handicaps and loved elderly people. My heart questioned more than a thousand times “why”? And still does on occasion.

I want to share some of the things God has carried us through to encourage you and anyone else in these shoes. I have the deepest sympathy for those going through this.

At first I was very careful that I kept my anger in check. I knew that if I ever opened the door to anger, it and bitterness would consume me. I found that there was a real reverence for God that came into my life. In the words of our youngest son Nathan, he said “He is God and I am just Nathan”. It was and still is a continual asking for His help, asking Him for peace, and asking Him to keep my mind steady. I do believe that a person could lose their mind if they went through the loss of a child without our Lord.

It has been a long road of healing. Rusty and I had already made plans with Cameron to move to south Texas and to work in the mission field. We were going as soon as we sold our house. Cameron was so anxious to go he threatened to go ahead with out us a few times.

After Cam’s wreck we never spent another night in our house. We moved out and it sold within the first week we listed it. Our first Christmas we celebrated nothing. I think I cried through most of the holidays. I couldn’t listen to Christmas music at all, and many worship songs brought back to many memories. One day I had been missing Cam so bad all I wanted was for Rusty to take me to Missouri and let me hold my son Nathan. He was compassionate and told me he couldn’t take me home. We had too many obligations here to run north to Missouri. So he told me he would take me to a church service here in the valley. We picked a church called “Spirit of Praise”. We went in and set next to the back row. There was a guest speaker there and no one at this church knew who we were. The minister went about the crowd prophesying to different ones. I sat there crying asking God to tell me something about Cameron. The minister finished and began to close. I started to repent for begging for a word, that I knew I should just believe and just have faith. All of a sudden the minister was standing beside us. He told me to look at him and he took my hand. He began to tell me “The Lord says I release you from death, I release you from loss, I release you from regret, things aren’t as bad as they seem. Its ok, he is with me now.” We cried and cried. I actually received a phone call from heaven! There was a release from the dark depression that was pulling me down. All of a sudden because this man was obedient my chain of darkness was gone. I was better.

Every time I have felt such a loss the Lord has sent a word, a sign, or a dream. I asked the Lord why I continue to need reassurance that Cameron is ok. And the Lord spoke to me and said “it is ok. Your walk is a continual renewal process and it is ok to ask for a renewal of assurance.” Our God is so great and cares so much for all of us.

I want to say that many, many times God has so wonderfully answered me when I have called out to him. I want to encourage you to do the same. Ask Him for help. And then let Him help you. It is not easy by no means, but it is impossible without Him.

This is our second Christmas with Cam not with us. We miss him more than words could say. But thanks to the Lord I was able this Thanksgiving to actually place a pumpkin in our front yard. Cameron and I always worked in the yard together and the thought of doing so with out him was something I couldn’t imagine. This Christmas season I can finally actually look at the Christmas decorations in the store. It’s a healing process. There are still break downs, flash backs, and times I want to scream so loud the heavens would shake. But God always comes and wipes those tears.

Learning to put one foot in front of the other,

Belinda Owens

Here are a few resources that have helped us through some really dark times. I hope you find these helpful as well. These are all from Christian sources. I will add to these as I find new sources.

Books: Author:

1. My dream of heaven Rebecca Ruter Springer

This book was given to me to read by a friend before Cam’s wreck. It prepared me somewhat and gives a person an insight of heaven. This can be ordered or found in most bible book stores or online.

2. Beyond death’s door

This book was written by a heart surgeon about cases he witness where he revived people and what they saw while they were gone. He also served on the American Heart Association board. You can find this book online.

DVDs: By:

1. Secrets of Paradise - Under world series Perry Stone

This was bought for me by my sister Sheila. It has been such a wonderful comfort. This DVD consists of testimonies of people interviewed by Perry Stone who have died and crossed over then come back. The neat thing about this is that their testimonies confirm the same things Rita Rutter Springer mentioned in her book that she had seen. You can order this DVD at Perry Stone's website: www.voiceofevangelism.org

“My hope is in Christ and in Him only can I stand” Belinda

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